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Musclehead Vs. Average Joe

Dejan SEO, 10 March 2010 Topic: What’s with the get ripped ads? Let’s take a short trip through the mind of a cyborg. Oops … let’s make that someone really into health and fitness. Wait a second. Scratch that. Let’s make it someone into chemicals in order to artificially make themselves look and feel better about themselves. Regardless of how they’re referred to — Gym Rat, Juicehead, Musclehead, Beast — you know whom I speak of.

Mind of a Mindless Musclehead

How many calories in this protein shake? Only 600! What a rip-off. I gotta find one with 1200 calories. Oh, here’s one: Mass Blow-Up. Perfect. 80 grams of protein? I guess that will do. 6 grams of creatine per day? Excellent. Well, excellent for now. I’ll worry about my kidneys later. I have two of them anyway.

The Brainwashing Ad

Want to get bigger than Arnold Schwarzenegger in his prime after six cycles of steroids and five servings of porterhouse steak? Then buy Ultra-Juice, the closes thing to anabolic steroids without being the real thing. Just drink 44 ounces in the evening, do three sets of bench press before going to bed, and you will wake up with mind-blowing muscles. Heads will turn, women will gawk, and you will look like the biggest tool in the neighborhood. This product is not approved by the FDA, so there’s no telling what the side effects will be. If looks are a priority, side effects should not be a concern.

The Average Joe

Muscleheads like the ones referred to above are now commonplace. If you walk down a city street over the weekend when the weather is nice, you will most likely see more muscleheads than those who dress and act as who they truly are. It’s difficult to understand what muscleheads are looking for. If they’re not a professional athlete that needs to stay in shape in order to compete and earn a paycheck, what’s the point? Are they looking to improve their performance on a recreational sporting team? Are they looking to attract more women? Are they looking to instill fear in other men? Let’s look at these three questions more closely. If the muscleheads are looking to improve their strength because they’re gung-ho weekend warriors, then they’ve obviously taken the game too far. They’re putting themselves at risk using dangerous supplements just so they score goals and receive high-fives from teammates. Average Joes like us will still be watching from the stands twenty years from now while the muscleheads will be limping around with canes, begging spectators for pain relievers. If the muscleheads are looking to attract more women, that’s actually a good thing for us.

Why? Because while the women they attract will often be gorgeous, in most cases, they will also be superficial. This will lead to a musclehead wasting several years of his life with a woman that’s with him for all the wrong reasons. This usually ends in divorce, which involves plenty of emotional and financial pain. The good news is that this whole process will lead to more good women being available for the rest of us. Thanks, muscleheads! If the muscleheads are looking to instill fear in others, they will probably be successful. That said, brains always defeats brawn. Nothing is more embarrassing to a musclehead than someone outthinking him in public. A great and effective approach is to mention that he must be real tough picking on someone half his size. Tell him you’re proud of him and begin to applaud. This is sure to send his mind in fifty different directions, which will lead to a malfunction, as a simple solution will not be a possibility. As you can see, being a musclehead might be great for the short term, but for those who appreciate their health, are interested in attracting sincere women, and know they can always defeat their opponent with their minds, in the long run, it’s much better to be an average Joe.

Dan Petrovic, the managing director of DEJAN, is Australia’s best-known name in the field of search engine optimisation. Dan is a web author, innovator and a highly regarded search industry event speaker.

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